IT ALMOST OVER

Confused.

I am back from my totally unnoticed haitus.
I have not been quite up to the weather. Life has been a bunch of ups and downs in such that short time between when I had last posted. Danny got back with his ex. Oh happy day.

I told danny the other day that I would rather die then watch him live a happy life with her. That it would hurt me more than anything.

Breathing

Is hard...
i cant eat...
i cant sleep...
i cant believe this happened to me

May- The Month of Poetry

I have officially declared May to be the month of poetry. I will be posting more poems that I have written and I will also be writing some new ones for you all to see.

Kiss Me

Note: This by far is my favorite poem i wrote today.

Kiss me

Blades of steel kiss my wrists
And leave their rosy mark
Of affection, dripping red
Their love and promise

They fervently seek me
When I need them most
In my quiet lonely hour
Granting me their presence

Passionately we meet together
Anxious to part this place
Sweet success trickles life down my
Neck as they caress me one last time

Leaves

The love we shared
Tossed to the wind like
Leaves on a fall day

The hope I had was
Crushed under the
Feet of conclusion

The color of life fades
As winter slips in
And kills all possibility

This Barren Land

The sun rose and life flourished
On this barren land
Flowers stretched towards the sky
Yearning for the touch of light

Life was forever changed
And forever altered
The sun swore not to leave
Then the darkest winter swept in

Pushing the sun out of the sky
The darkest winter killed
Off every living thing on the
Earth, taking away its will to exist

The gravity of the sun and knowing that
It was the center of the galaxy kept
This barren land in orbit,
Until the sun walked out

Ceasing to spin, this barren land,
Rapidly sunk to the center of the
Galaxy into the black hole that
The absence of the sun left

This barren land no longer
Spins or thrives. This barren land
Implodes and eradicates its existence
In the vastness of the universe

My Plea

Come swiftly sweet eternal sleep
Put me out of my misery
Let me rest my eyes one last time
To dream forevermore

Never to awake and look
by my side and see that love
is gone from me, let me be
in my bed of sorrows

I wish to sigh my last waking
breath and to slip into the
peaceful silence, suspended
in death's cold embrace

Dark one, and pull me closely to
you and grant me my wish
of ended suffering while
wrapping me in your arms

Drag me under and silence
my heart's crys of pain
with a kiss from the malicious
lips of dear expiration

Here my plea through
my misery, end my affliction
and surround me in the
air and lull of eradication

Black Hole

This is really hard to just keep going like this. All I want is right in front of me and totally unattainable. I reach out to grab it and it slips through my fingers like sand. I had it. I had all I wanted. I had a hope. I had a dream. I had something to look forward too to get me through the day. Then like a thief in the night he came and stole that away. I should have known that some things are just too good to be true, that they won't last.

I feel like my heart has been sliced out of my chest and thrown to the ground and left for the dogs. Like it was taken out of me and tossed in a paper shredder then the scraps burned and shattered to the wind.

Honestly, this is not the time for people to pursue me, but they still do. Why? I will never know.

The sun of my life has fallen out of place and there is no gravity to hold me to life anymore. I am steadily slipping into the black hole that he left. Everything is collapsing in on itself. In the blink of an eye it is gone.

My heart had just come out of what felt like an eternal winter when he shined on me. But seasons come and go... it can't be sunny forever. I learned this. During the day the flowers bloom and stretch out to meet him. And now there is no light at all and I am a barren wasteland. What can thrive without the light of the sun? Nothing.

So where does that leave my world? Eternal darkness.

Porcelain Heart

Broken heart, one more time
Pick yourself up, why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this pocelain heart of mine

Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Somethings gotta change
And mend porcelain heart

Please mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of Mine, Creator mend this heart

-Barlow Girl

Note: I am well aware that this a Christian Group and they referance god. Ignore that part. :)

I had a dream...

I was walking down the street
And I saw you, I ran to you
And threw my arms around you
But you didn't know who I was

You treated me like a stranger
and like nothing ever happened
between us, like i was nobody,
that I never meant anything

Then you walked right through me
like I wasn't even there,
just a faded image of past memories
and a love forgotten and lost

My Heart.

Is kind of shattered at this current moment.
It hurts to think about it, but its all that I can think about.

Its not fair that this happened.
The one thing I really do love and care about gets ripped away from me.
The only hope I had, my only reason to wake up in the morning.

He was the reason I kept going and I actually cared about what happens to me.

So now what?

I wake up as a hollow, purposeless, shell and shuffle around school following the crowds and just barely get by. The life and vitality in me is gone.

My reason.
My hope.
My heart.
My love.

All gone....