Keeping Up With The Kardashians

is the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen in my life.
I was sitting on the couch today with my mom in the living room and she was watching this shit about one of the bitch sisters getting married to some dude she knew for two weeks.
What the fuck is wrong with these people. And then the rich, arrogant bitches had the BALLS to get mad at their step dad because he was upset that he wasn't told about the engagement? I mean WHAT THE FUCK. He had to fucking learn about it on the damn news!!!
What the hell is wrong with these girls? The one who spoon feeds these little whores is the one that doesn't even get told about what could be a life changing event.

It must be nice to wake up everyday and have everything you ever wanted and needed at your fingertips. While the working class people, like my mother and grandparents, had to work their asses off slaving away just to make sure we make it by month to month.

Its just a big pile of bullshit, and looking at the Kardashians just totally rubs it in. I'm sorry but when I am relaxing and watching t.v. I don't want an inside view of the life of some rich snob who has had everything spoon fed to her. They are spoiled little brats who don't know the value of a dollar. I would love to see Kim Kardashian be completely cut off from all her parent's money and kicked out and forced to make a living on her on working 40 hours a week minimum wage.

And then to see the BLATANT disrespect one of the Kardashian girls towards their mother. This rotten girl had the guts to flat out behave in the most disrespectful way ever. While she was trying on her wedding dress, which was only 9 DAYS AFTER THEIR FORMAL ENGAGEMENT, her mother took out her old dress and wanted just to see her daughter try it on. And the first thing out of that stupid bitches mouth was that "That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life," reducing her mother to tears.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

"Dad said he'll call the cops on you if you don't let me in"

"Well I will call them on him for even coming here"
*dead silence*

So I wake up today and I make myself some muffins and then I get a knock at the door. I'm like "kay who the fuck is this." They were way too short to be seen by the little peeper hole so I opened it a crack.
And then my sister is there trying to barge in. I was like "NO THANKS I DON'T WANT ANY"
And I locked her back out. And then she is standing there banging on the door like I am really gonna let her in.
She proceeds to tell me she forgot the PS2 here. I told I didn't care and she can go home now.
She comes back and tells me my dad will call the cops on me if I don't let her in.
I told her I would call on them for trying to bug me. She left all pissed off.

Tim chooses the best of times to fuck with us all.
Happy Birthday Mom, the man you fucked and had two kids with and wasted 17 years of your life married too is trying to ruin your day.
Win.

>.> More to come later <3

Emo-cidal Nonsense

Okay.
So I come back to my blog a few months later and re-read everything.
And I noticed these things:
1. I thought I was so cool writing my dark and bothered poetry
2. ANGST ANGST ANGST
3. I was wayyy to emo a few months ago.
4. GAY TITLE; seriously, what the FUCK was I on when I named this shit? I swear.
Its like "oh yeah I'm so cool and emo 'love and vengeance"; because I'm so hardcore and you know COOL that I can't have a creative name that isn't completely GAY and will make me want to shoot myself looking back at it.
5. Pathetic; I don't think I can stress how pathetic this blog is. It is shit. Epic shit on toast with a glass of piss served up to you on a platter made with the dried up tears and blood of 5 million emo kids. PATHETIC. It's just fail.
6. I still like some of the shitty poetry; its all dark and sad as fuck. I don't understand why I would actually post something so... dramatic and depressing...on a PUBLIC venue.
7. I have changed. Alot; since all of this pathetic, dark and bothered nonsense, I have so changed. I don't know if for the better. But you sure as hell won't be seeing anymore of this shit you had to see, that is just sad. If I ever get all like that again, do me a favor and shoot me. Save me from the sorrow of suffering my own writing.

Nana

Sometimes I wake up and miss her more then anything.
I cry and listen to that one song they played for her.
I wish she would be here now and that she wasn't gone.
The other day I woke up and got up out of bed and dressed to go see her.
It wasn't until I got to the front that I realized I will never see her again.
She is gone and she is never coming back.
I was at her house a few weeks ago.
I walked through the halls and down to her room.
I opened the door half expecting to see her in her bed.
My heart dropped when I realized she was gone, the room filled with dust and nick knacks.
I want her to come back. She never should have left.
She should be here right now. She was the one I turned to for everything.
She isn't coming back. She is never coming home.
And every time I realize that it makes me want to join her.

Graduation

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok so the only class that could keep me from graduating, that i thought i would barely pass with a C was Econ.

And it turns out...i took my final for it today. Electronically submitted...

I GOT A 90% on the final!!!!!


I passed the class with a B-


So Guys,

High School. Is. Over.

All of it. The stress the people the drama.

It is all done now.

IT ALMOST OVER

Confused.

I am back from my totally unnoticed haitus.
I have not been quite up to the weather. Life has been a bunch of ups and downs in such that short time between when I had last posted. Danny got back with his ex. Oh happy day.

I told danny the other day that I would rather die then watch him live a happy life with her. That it would hurt me more than anything.

Breathing

Is hard...
i cant eat...
i cant sleep...
i cant believe this happened to me

May- The Month of Poetry

I have officially declared May to be the month of poetry. I will be posting more poems that I have written and I will also be writing some new ones for you all to see.

Kiss Me

Note: This by far is my favorite poem i wrote today.

Kiss me

Blades of steel kiss my wrists
And leave their rosy mark
Of affection, dripping red
Their love and promise

They fervently seek me
When I need them most
In my quiet lonely hour
Granting me their presence

Passionately we meet together
Anxious to part this place
Sweet success trickles life down my
Neck as they caress me one last time

Leaves

The love we shared
Tossed to the wind like
Leaves on a fall day

The hope I had was
Crushed under the
Feet of conclusion

The color of life fades
As winter slips in
And kills all possibility

This Barren Land

The sun rose and life flourished
On this barren land
Flowers stretched towards the sky
Yearning for the touch of light

Life was forever changed
And forever altered
The sun swore not to leave
Then the darkest winter swept in

Pushing the sun out of the sky
The darkest winter killed
Off every living thing on the
Earth, taking away its will to exist

The gravity of the sun and knowing that
It was the center of the galaxy kept
This barren land in orbit,
Until the sun walked out

Ceasing to spin, this barren land,
Rapidly sunk to the center of the
Galaxy into the black hole that
The absence of the sun left

This barren land no longer
Spins or thrives. This barren land
Implodes and eradicates its existence
In the vastness of the universe

My Plea

Come swiftly sweet eternal sleep
Put me out of my misery
Let me rest my eyes one last time
To dream forevermore

Never to awake and look
by my side and see that love
is gone from me, let me be
in my bed of sorrows

I wish to sigh my last waking
breath and to slip into the
peaceful silence, suspended
in death's cold embrace

Dark one, and pull me closely to
you and grant me my wish
of ended suffering while
wrapping me in your arms

Drag me under and silence
my heart's crys of pain
with a kiss from the malicious
lips of dear expiration

Here my plea through
my misery, end my affliction
and surround me in the
air and lull of eradication

Black Hole

This is really hard to just keep going like this. All I want is right in front of me and totally unattainable. I reach out to grab it and it slips through my fingers like sand. I had it. I had all I wanted. I had a hope. I had a dream. I had something to look forward too to get me through the day. Then like a thief in the night he came and stole that away. I should have known that some things are just too good to be true, that they won't last.

I feel like my heart has been sliced out of my chest and thrown to the ground and left for the dogs. Like it was taken out of me and tossed in a paper shredder then the scraps burned and shattered to the wind.

Honestly, this is not the time for people to pursue me, but they still do. Why? I will never know.

The sun of my life has fallen out of place and there is no gravity to hold me to life anymore. I am steadily slipping into the black hole that he left. Everything is collapsing in on itself. In the blink of an eye it is gone.

My heart had just come out of what felt like an eternal winter when he shined on me. But seasons come and go... it can't be sunny forever. I learned this. During the day the flowers bloom and stretch out to meet him. And now there is no light at all and I am a barren wasteland. What can thrive without the light of the sun? Nothing.

So where does that leave my world? Eternal darkness.

Porcelain Heart

Broken heart, one more time
Pick yourself up, why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this pocelain heart of mine

Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Somethings gotta change
And mend porcelain heart

Please mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of Mine, Creator mend this heart

-Barlow Girl

Note: I am well aware that this a Christian Group and they referance god. Ignore that part. :)

I had a dream...

I was walking down the street
And I saw you, I ran to you
And threw my arms around you
But you didn't know who I was

You treated me like a stranger
and like nothing ever happened
between us, like i was nobody,
that I never meant anything

Then you walked right through me
like I wasn't even there,
just a faded image of past memories
and a love forgotten and lost

My Heart.

Is kind of shattered at this current moment.
It hurts to think about it, but its all that I can think about.

Its not fair that this happened.
The one thing I really do love and care about gets ripped away from me.
The only hope I had, my only reason to wake up in the morning.

He was the reason I kept going and I actually cared about what happens to me.

So now what?

I wake up as a hollow, purposeless, shell and shuffle around school following the crowds and just barely get by. The life and vitality in me is gone.

My reason.
My hope.
My heart.
My love.

All gone....

Tostadas

My legs are really sore. And my body is really just sore in general. It is ridiculous. And on top of it all I have a shit load of work to do for school. MY stomach hurts too. I am hungry. And my mom is making tostadas for dinner.

Yummy.

I got a new laptop yesterday. It is awesome. The only flaw it has that bugs me greatly is the faulty "R" key. It sometime comes loose and I gotta stop what I am doing and fix it. So if I am typing it looks like a completely norrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmal sentence. I has to fix the "R" that time.

this is my totally awesome avi with everything i got from stealing my accounts back. the only things that are mine are the headphones and the skull clip and the hair. Everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtfrrrrrrrrrything else i got from the Great Revenge of 2009.

Gotta go!! TOSTADAS!!!!

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

:) Today is the best day ever.

"It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fucking Death Wish"

For what you did to me,
and what I'll do to you,
you get, what everyone else gets,
you get a lifetime

Do you remember that day when we met
you told me this gets harder
well it did
been holding on forever,
promise me that when I'm gone you'll kill my enemies,
the damage you've inflicted, temporary wounds
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me
I'm taking back the life you stole

Good Morning Love, Lets close the door on Baltimore

I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face. It never feels out of place. :)

Today I was on the bus listening to "I Put a Spell on You" and texting Matt for the first time in a long time and I came to the realization that:

I was so addicted to Matt because I had no identity of my own but through him. I completely lost myself to him. I was so blind to it the whole time. I didn't even notice that as everyday slipped by, I lost myself more and more. I should have seen it when people said that I was acting like him, but boy oh boy I was I blind as could be.

I was just too scared to face reality so, I hid behind him and I almost turned into him. I'm a bit disgusted... but I did learn a lot from him. I'm just done. He always pushed me away and I give up fighting it.

The bulk of our supposed fight and the start of our ending was the day I met Danny. Matt couldn't handle it so he broke up with me. And now I am the happiest I have ever been. I'm not as depressed as I used to be because I am not letting Matt drag me down. I refuse to put up with him any longer. It was fun while it lasted, but thank god its over.

Good Morning Love, lets close the door on Baltimore and start living how we should, happy.

Your synapses are misfiring in my direction and I don't appreciate it

I keep getting yelled at by my mom and lectured for everything. It is so ridiculous. Last night while I was on the phone with Danny she was yelling and lecturing me about wanting to marry Danny. She was like "I don't deserve this!!" And she thinks I am going to run away and get married and I flat out told her, "Mom! I'm not 18. It would be illegal for me to run away and get married."

She got pissed off and sent me to my room.

I am now listening to Cradle of Filth and am supposed to be working on my Senior Project Paper that is due tomorrow. So I have to go now.

Adios (as if anyone cares anyway)

Mono.

Well... one of my closest friends locally told me yesterday that she may have mono. This being the girl that both Maegen and I share drinks with.

Do I honestly need to say more about this? I'm guessing that you all have some sort of logical thought process.

The Potentially Infected:
KIM
Tori (Me)
Maegen
Alyssa

The Next Most Likely to Be Infected:
Ethan (Kim's Bf)
Danny (My Bf)
Johnny (Maegen's Bf)

Note: NO bf listed for Alyssa because she is sadly single

The Next next Most likely infected:

Kim's Family:
Ann
Tiffany
Her dad
Her mom
Her brother
Amy

My Family:
My mom
My dad
My sister

Maegen's Family:
Her mom
Her sister
Her dad

Alyssa's Family:
Her mom
Hera

AND I COULD KEEP GOING!!! BUT I AM GOING TO STOP NOW BEFORE I PUT A BULLET THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!!!!

On my new blog...

Ok. I am new at this so don't get mad at me if my blog isn't quite as great as it should be. I'm just getting started. Nothing is gonna quite perfect yet.

And if you want to help me at all:
Make me graphics. Stick to the blue and black color scheme and be sure to include “Love and Vengeance” on them.

A ghastly weekend followed by a horrendous monday( THE SEQUAL)

I have decided to discontinue my story from yesterday. It was way too long and yea if you are just dying to know what else happens then bring it to my attention and maybe I will keep going with it... But yea... Who wants to sit here all day read my blog, I mean come on, I know I'm fun but honestly, you all have better things to do either then read some whiney girls blog.

For those of you who ARE reading this, thank you. Because I don't just write all this shit for it to sit there and ferment.

Now I'm off to post a real entry that matters...

Cherrio!

A ghastly weekend followed by an even more horrendous monday

Honestly, I cannot wait to graduate high school and to not have to see any of their faces again. These are the people that have made my teen years a living hell. The teachers, the students, the classes, the work, it all seems like a big huge waste of time. I wouldn’t be on such a SHITTY mood if it wasn’t for the lovely senior advisory. Him and his jolly personality (SEVERE sarcasm btw) reprimanded me for entering my site destination right as he walked by. I was unjustly accused of doing something “un-educational.” God forbid I attempt to go to my damn online course that YOU forced me into taking.

It’s completely ridiculous!! And on top of it all I had one of the BEST weekends of my life. If anybody wants to see the text book definition of good parenting you should look at Tim, my supposed father. Everybody who is anybody, i.e. Danny, Rachel, Matt, Shelby..etc , knows about the fabulous cell phone fiasco that took place a few weeks ago.


RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT:

**SEVERE IRRITATION** I just got called over to Herr Sanchez and it is clear to me that I can never do a single thing right. I swear sometimes I just feel like the biggest fuck-up ever. Thus causing me to shut my phone off and ignore my boyfriend because I don’t want to snap in my anger and lash out at him for no reason.


Back to what I was saying.

To add onto my already growing loathing and irritation towards my father, I was forced to go to his house this previous weekend for our lovely court appointed visits. He picked me from school Thursday and then the “fun” began. It usually takes about 5 minutes, for my mood to completely shot and for me to be reverted back to my depressed state, from me entering his car for all to go to hell. This time it was a record of 5 seconds. I am sort of in awe at how quickly he can make a person wish they were never born. But that is beside the point. We get in the car and go home and on account of I had an excruciating headache I laid down to take a nap when we got home. He fucking wakes me up at 6 and drags me to the grocery store. It was the biggest waste of time because he gets the same stuff every time. It never changes, so why does he need me to go with him? I will never know. We go home with our lovely bags of the finest junk Food 4 Less has to offer. My head hits the pillow within 20 minutes of being home again. And he of course can’t allow me to get some damn necessary sleep.


ANOTHER RANDOM BREAK IN THOUGHT:
I am a bit bi-polar in my writing. I could have a ranting angry long blog entry on how irritated and pissed off I am, then 20 minutes later you could find a post about how much I love Danny or how happy I am about some random cute thing he has done. Fuck man.. I love that guy….


Once again back to what I was saying.

The stupid sonuvabitch wakes me up so I can make precious Gaby dinner. I make the brat some dinner then go back to bad. I feel like this is really boring so I am just going to fast forward to Friday around 3-4ish pm.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>FAST FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Friday 3-4ish Pm:

I finished taking my mid-term at Lodi High for my Delta College Class( I know it doesn’t make sense. Wonder why? Ask me later). I didn’t feel like going home. Before I had left my house to go to the midterm I had packed a bag with all the essentials to run-away because I was damn fed up with the place. But anyway, I got picked up by my dad and I got out of the car at home and wanted to talk to Gina. Gina, being my Grandpa’s girlfriend. I was talking to her when Tim pulls his “we have got stuff to do so you can’t talk to her now” shit. He ALWAYS says that. And there never is a single thing to do, he just doesn’t want us talking to her. So I was just like, “No. I want to talk to Gina.” He pulls his “woe is me” shit and I have to go back in the house.
Much like a heavily shaken bottle of brand new Dr. Pepper, I explode once we are inside. He starts in on me about everything and I simply had it! So I grab my back pack and pillow. And give a few nice parting words, i.e. “I can’t wait until you die and nobody will be at your funeral because you drove away everybody that was ever close to you so now nobody cares about,” and I walk out to my grandpa’s.


FUCK. Lunch bell. I gotta go until tomorrow. I will continue our lovely journey through the weekend later.